There are plenty of ways I could repay my brother-in-law for joining our family, for buying me Chipotle or for giving me gorgeous nephews. (They do, in fact, belong to me.) But there is no better way, I feel… than responding to his previous entry (linked above) with this.
That. My friends, is plastic surgery. And nobody does it better. Or more often. Or worse. She spent $4 million dollars trying to turn into a big cat because her philandering husband had a thing for big…cats…. dang I almost lost consciousness just writing that. For real!? I just wanna wrap her….in a pelt…wait, that’s not what I wanted to say, I just accidentally looked up at the picture. I really just wanna….roll her up in a carpet…. sorry. Focus.
(deep breath)
She needs a hug.
WHERE ARE HER LOVED ONES RIGHT NOW AND FOR THE LAST HOWEVER MANY YEARS!?!? I HOPE MY FATHER WOULDN’T LET ME DO THIS TO MYSELF WITHOUT PUTTING ME ON A 5150 THAT WOULD LEGITIMATELY TURN INTO A LONGTERM IMPRISONMENT IN A WELL-GUARDED PSYCH WARD! GOD, IT’S TAKING ALL OF MY WILLPOWER NOT TO CURSE HERE, PEOPLE.
(INVOLUNTARY SHOUTING CONTINUES)
March 17, 2009 at 5:50 am
Oh. My. Sweet. Jesus. WHY DOES THIS WOMAN EXIST?
March 17, 2009 at 9:13 am
Yeah, I’ve seen her before. I have to scrub my brain out anew each time. Filth and shite.
PS. Mask called, he wants everything back.
March 17, 2009 at 12:18 pm
(Absence of words…repeated opening and closing of mouth)
March 17, 2009 at 12:20 pm
@Andy: I DIE. Hilarity. (And why’d your comment go to spam?!)
March 19, 2009 at 12:32 pm
I wonder if she looks in the mirror and thinks: Whoops?
March 19, 2009 at 12:33 pm
I love how Andy thinks his name is “Mask”. AHAHA.
March 19, 2009 at 12:33 pm
I think suicide woulda happened by now, if so.
March 19, 2009 at 12:33 pm
Also: hahahahaha
March 19, 2009 at 6:49 pm
And: “involuntary shouting continues, etc”
I’M PEEING.
March 19, 2009 at 8:08 pm
Dude, you know how you love my father-in-law’s “Jesus”? Just happened. Showed him that picture.
March 29, 2009 at 2:46 pm
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